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I am lost.
In a world of my own,
Where only I belong - hell!!
Fat thoughts rushing through my mind, I cannot escape.
No help I can see.
I long for the end. I just want it to end. I want to be free from this illness.
I long to be a person I'm not, I thrive to be a person I will never be.
I will never achieve who I want to be,
Because nothing or no one is ever good enough,
And no matter who I am or how thin I am I will never be 'perfect' enough for me.
I need to lose MORE weight, I need to burn MORE calories.
I am split in 2.
One mind with 2 voices,
2 voices with one body - a fat worthless body.
It's too strong, stronger than me, it tells me I'm a pig, I'm ugly, fat, not worthy of anything least of all life.
It tells me I'm fat and I don't deserve to eat, yet I have no control over it, over what is happening to me, in that I'm fat, ugly and disgusting.
I'm burning inside, dying slowly, the ME I know is leaving,
Someone stronger is there taking over, it's killing the ME that was once there.
I feel I am now taken over and controlled by something else -
Something stronger that controls everything I eat and everything I do.
It's getting stronger everyday and the old ME weaker everyday,
Fading away as if it never existed at all.
Anonymous