How to help
Whether you are a family member, friend, partner, flatmate or colleague we know how hard it can be watching someone you love cope with an eating disorder. While we have attempted to answer most common questions and give general advice please remember this is intended as a guide only. It will hopefully help you with how to behave around them and what to say to them. However everybody's experience of an eating disorder is different and it is impossible to provide a blanket "Do this" guide for everyone. While it may feel like you often can't do anything right, you are probably doing more than you realise and it is always better to do something, than nothing, even if it is just showing them how concerned you are. Ignoring the problem is the one thing we'd definitely NOT advise you to do. You will get to know which methods work for you and them. If you are unsure whether something is working, always check this by asking, "Is this helping the eating disorder stay or go?"
Eating disorders come in many types and forms. Without intervention, they tend to get worse. An eating disorder is a mental illness - this means that what is most important is the thoughts and feelings inside their head. However, unlike many other mental illnesses, it has a very strong physical component and the physical consequences of an eating disorder can be serious, even fatal.
Depending on the age of the person and whether or not they are living with you, some strategies may be more helpful than others.
Eight Golden Rules for supporting someone with an eating disorder
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Learn as much as you can about eating disorders, especially the signs and symptoms, what these mean, and about how they feel inside, eg. understanding that they may be as terrified of food as someone else is of spiders (this can be very difficult). Frequently asked questions.
Do not ignore the problem. When to intervene.
Ask them what it is like for them.
Be direct - tell them why you are worried, be specific - but also try to be very gentle in your approach, try not to be critical (remember it will probably be felt more harshly than it is meant). General Advice
Try to listen without judging - take their fears seriously. Eg., say "that must be heard to deal with" rather than "you're overreacting".
Try to persuade them to get professional help - from the Eating Disorder Services, a GP or school counsellor. Where to go for help
Try not to blame them or yourself. It is not them behaving this way - it is the eating disorder.
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